happy bowl

my happy bowl has been running on empty lately,

literally and figuratively.

i filled it up today with some of my favorite dark chocolate.
i love what i read the other day...dark chocolate is not dessert, it's health food.
so i bought it all!
and something has me thinking that i need a trip to santa fe,
for a second happy bowl.
you can never have too many.

i also found a new pair of shorts, 

bought some cute sunglasses because those dogs destroyed my other ones, 

and treated myself to coffee, and chips and salsa. 

i have been in a mood the last few days,

blame it on 40 year old hormones, 

tired parents and a not tired 6 year old, 

being annoyed at something more than i had the right,

and other little things that really don't matter.
because we all know, most of the things are little, and they don't matter.
sometimes i wish that my life looked different than it does,
but i realize that we have it pretty good,
and i am ashamed of those thoughts.

i don't like any of the above,

but the truth is, it happens.

i'm not sure how kevin puts up with me at times,

but i'm glad that he does.

i knew today that i needed to have an attitude adjustment, and so i gave myself one.

i heard this song on the way home, better than a hallelujah, and even though it might be a sad song, 

it lifted me up. i needed to hear it.

i have church in my car a lot, and i think jesus is ok with that.

God loves a lullaby
In a mother's tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes

God loves the drunkard's cry
The soldier's plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

The woman holding on for life
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes

The tears of shame for what's been done
The silence when the words won't come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

Better than a church bell ringing
Better than a choir singing out, singing out

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

{amy grant}

{listen, here}.

i can identify...beautiful, the mess we are.

jesus loves our mess.

thank you jesus.

love,

nicolle

wednesday

kevin worked this weekend, which is not always the norm, but he had a lot of stuff to do, and as much as i hated it for him, i am so very grateful that {even though things aren't always perfect} god gave me a hard working husband. i don't have to worry about things with him. he keeps me and boyd safe and secure and i am thankful more than he will ever know. we also had our usual weekend fun with neighbors, which has become a weeky ritual, it's fun and so crazy, and i always look forward to it.

boyd and i spent a really good day on monday with kevin's mom.
boyd loves his grandma.

thankful for monday.

yesterday my sweet and witty grandma turned 85 years young, and i love her dearly. 

happy birthday g.

since we had a long holiday weekend,

yesterday i cleaned up the house, ran a bunch of errands,

sat in traffic for 52 minutes and moved about one mile,

lit a candle, drank diet root beer from a new wine glass.

  boyd came home from school and we played outside.

and i might have moved on from root beer to wine at this point.

just one glass though.

this morning.

oh this morning.

i went to run 2 errands, 

and this song came on the radio, finally home.

and now i can say that i've walked into the dollar store with tears running down my cheeks,

because i could not turn them off.

i've cried in public before, i'm sure i'll do it again.

I'm gonna wrap my arms around my daddy's neck
And tell him that I've missed him
And tell him all about the man that I became
And hope that it pleased him
There's so much I wanna say
So much I want you to know

When I finally make it home

When I finally make it home

Then I'll gaze upon the throne of the King
Frozen in my steps
And all the questions that I swore I would ask
Words just won't come yet
So amazed at what I've seen
So much more than this old mind can hold

When I finally make it home
When I finally make it home

And the sweetest sound these ears have yet to hear
The voices of the angels

When I finally make it home
When I finally make it home

 and as soon as the song came on, the date rang in my head...

tomorrow my daddy has been with the angels for 15 years.

how in the world is that possible.

15 years ago, on a saturday night, he slipped away suddenly and with no warning.

i don't always dwell on that date. in fact, most years it goes by, and i realize it has come and gone a week or a month later. sometimes when my mom and i get together we might talk about my dad and one of us will cry and wonder why we cry all this time later. i try to explain that it's like telling someone goodbye and you miss them a little at first, but as time goes on, the amount that you miss them increases incredibly.

this song hit home. it made me long for him like i've never done before. i can't wait to hug him again. 

if i had my way, i'd be doing it on this earth, but i can't, and i miss him terribly.
I MISS HAVING A DAD.

someone once told me it was time to move on, he was gone, and at that time it had only been a few years.

ouch. those words were so hurtful.

i have never lived my life revolving around his death, but it has impacted me and changed me in many ways.

this was big to me. this has changed me. i have a wonderful and happy life, but the truth is there is a hole. there is no reason to question it though, because god works everything for his good, and i can rest in that knowledge.
i love you dad, and i miss you.
if i could send you a box of cherry mash candy, i would. i hope you have them in abundance up there.

you were the best dad.

 in true fashion, i'll change subjects now.

my happy bowl, from santa fe.

we all need one.
we all need happy.

i'm obsessed with oranges, and a square each night of really dark chocolate.

get yourself a happy bowl for your kitchen.

life is beautiful.

love,

nicolle

these days...

i hope to post here more than once a week, but lately that's all i can muster. 

we had gorgeous weather for the last few days, and today it's hovered right around 33 degrees, and it's pouring. i wish we'd get a bit colder and get some snow.

this picture was from a couple of days ago, it was practically shorts weather here in texas.

the colors of fall are brilliant, aren't they.

i'm thankful that i'm done with the cardiologist for 6 months,
that i have medicine to fix what is wrong,
and that i have a new outlook on life.
because i've been a mess the last few weeks.
i have taken my 40 years of good health for granted, like i'm invincible or something,
and apparently, none of us are. {news flash}.
i've been walking and it feels so good. i've lost 8 pounds since i started seeing the cardiologist, which shocked me yesterday when i got on the scale. 

i will miss my walk tonight, although if the rain stops, i'm bundling up and going for it. 

there is something about walking at night that is so liberating and so peaceful. i used to be scared to go alone, but i go with a flashlight and pepper spray,
and i remember what my mama always says about herself,  
i'm too mean to be scared. 

for now, more decaf, and i'm a happy girl. thank you jesus for decaf coffee.

here is my little pumpkin pie before school this morning. kevin and i walked him to school and stayed for a sweet little thanksgiving program that the kindergarteners put on. during his performance, boyd actually had the cry face going on, and i was surprised. i asked him after school what happened, and he said he just missed me. i think he was a little shy up there, which is definitely not in his nature. 

thank you jesus for this sweet child of ours, who is still being a toot in school, 

but he's just doing what 5 year olds do best.
or at least that's what i keep telling myself.

i was thinking of this soup last night, and i sent a text to my girlfriend, who used to make it.

i haven't had it in 10 years or more, and couldn't find the recipe. 

she wrote me back and said she had just made it a couple of nights ago, and she sent me the recipe,

so i made it today.

it's an old weight watchers recipe, and it's so easy.

1 16 oz bag of frozen california style vegetable mix

1 can of low sodium chicken broth

1 can of Rotel

4 oz of light Velveeta

cook first 3 ingredients together, until veggies are tender, add in cheese. i am a rebel and used regular velveeta, and maybe i used just a little more than 4 oz.
i also doubled the recipe.

top it off with a few bacon crumbles if you need a little bit of meat with it. yum.
{i think i will chop the veggies next time, before cooking, just to make them into much smaller pieces}.

i filled up my happy bowl with these today, and i've been eating them like candy.

and these replaced my tired looking mums today.

i hope you have a good thanksgiving week, whatever your plans may be. 

it's good to be thankful.

love,

nicolle

alone time, foodie style

my mom came to town this morning, to spend the day with boyd.

i debated on staying home and just enjoying the silence,

but i wanted to eat at a new restaurant.

it's in one of my favorite parts of fort worth.

i'm glad i went.

the food was good, the silence truly was golden, and i did what i love doing...

trying new food, stopping for my favorite coffee, taking pictures, being alone.

i went to the magnolia cheese company.

they are known for their fancy cheese platters, and i think that would be a fun lunch with girlfriends,

along with some wine,

but i went with a funky salad. 

they call this one the runaway caprese.

it was different, and it was really good.

 i think food is so beautiful.

and i think life is too short to not try something new. 

and i'm thankful for every bite that god gives me.

i dream of being a food photographer one day, or a food critic, or maybe just eating my way through fort worth. something along those lines. as long as it involves pretty and delicious food.

i devoured it. 

then i had coffee at my favorite place, avoca, which is just down the street.

i left the coffee shop, and walked around like a tourist for a few minutes.

i made a quick run into trader joe's.

and now my happy bowl is full of the ingredients for my favorite lunch lately.

one diced avocado + a few diced grape tomatoes + fresh lemon juice + black pepper.

i got home, my mom and boyd showed up about an hour later, and somehow i lucked out and she took boyd with her for the weekend. and i'm not going to lie, i almost cried happy tears. boyd was thrilled to go.
and she told me not to call to check on him, or she would be mad at me. so i will try.
i know i will be so glad to see him on sunday, but i know that kevin and i will be grateful for the rest.
i'm so thankful.

have a good weekend.

love,

nicolle

tuesday

boyd had pictures made at school this morning,

in a cap and gown, 

for pre-k graduation.

i can't even go there yet.

moving on.

i had a really lazy morning, and i feel guilty even admitting that.

guilt shouldn't get in the way of some down time, but i always think of everything else i need to be doing, 

or the fact that kevin is at work, or so many of my friends are at work.

after about 2 hours of seriously doing nothing,

i decided it was time to get moving.

i made coffee, straightened up the house, pulled weeds, and cooked enchiladas.

 our neighbor used to make this dish, and he called it messed up chicken enchiladas. 

in large mixing bowl combine...

1 large can of cream of chicken soup, 1 can of chicken {drained}, 2 cans of rotel {not drained},
12 corn tortillas cut in strips, 1-2 cups of shredded cheese, black pepper and minced onion.

spray glass baking dish, add mixture, and bake uncovered for 30 minutes at 350.

serve with salsa and sour cream. 

i picked boyd up from school, and he told me that his friend was going to a new indoor trampoline park right down the road. i kind of had a feeling that he got his wires crossed, but it's really cold today, and i thought, why not. usually i want to come straight home after school. i'm a creature of habit.
we went, his friend never showed up, boyd jumped for an hour, and he loved it. boyd made friends with one of the cute teenage girls that worked there, and even though i could tell she was trying to flirt with two teenage boys, she was still really sweet to boyd. i sure was feeling old around them though. heck i feel old just telling that story.

the place is really big, with 7 or 8 different areas, and probably a hundred or more trampolines.
we will go back for sure.
and i will jump with him next time, even if it's full of cute teenagers.

here are a couple of boyd's crafts that he did today at school, for earth day.
i asked him what the hearts were for, and he said,
those are hearts to tell jesus that we love the earth.

then i saw this and that he had written his name backwards and the worrier in me got all anxious.
so we practiced some more when we got home, and all is well.
{although he did spell BYOB, so there's that}.

my happy bowl is currently full of these, to add to my drinking water, and that makes me happy.

that's our day.

ordinary, busy, fun, tiring.
i am not a bragger, at least i hope i never am,
but i think i need to give myself a little more credit for all that i do during the day.
we probably all need to be a little more kind to ourselves.
i will work on that.

love,
nicolle

thursday

boyd painted this at school today.

he told me that it's fire.

i kind of love it.

and i especially love this one,
because boyd told me the story behind it.

  little boys know how to give their mamas a heart attack.

 a mocha latte.

my happy bowl is full.

that's all i've got.
 it has been a slow{er} week, which is good.

tonight boyd laid on the couch beside me and said,

ahhhhh, now i can relax, this is the life.
yes it is sweet boy, yes it is.

love,
nicolle

gingerbread house #2

Happy Monday. I haven't always looked forward to Mondays, but I was looking forward to this one. I was crabby all weekend, and I know Kevin was ready to get back to work. {Sorry dear}. I was glad to get a fresh start today. Boyd and I went to pick out a gingerbread house to decorate this morning. We made our first one last year, here, and I just laugh looking back at those pictures. Sweet memories. And yes, it feels like that was just yesterday. sigh.
So, we went to Trader Joe's, and they were out of kits.
I wasn't too sad, because I can always find a few things I need at TJs.

 As we were leaving Trader Joe's, I heard someone call my name, and it was my sweet blog friend Christen. She came up and hugged me, we talked for a few minutes, and I was just so happy to run into her. She is the cutest, sweetest person. It made me smile to see her today. She told us to check Central Market for a gingerbread house, so we went over there. We didn't pick up a house there, but we did get some cute decorations for it. We found a house at Target, and came home to decorate.

I have to admit, poinsettias were not always my favorite, but I sort of love them now.

Here are the extra decorations that we bought, for our gingerbread house.

All Boyd wanted to do was eat the candy, and the icing out of the bag.

80 degree weather and tshirts/shorts. Last year we froze when we made our house.

 Here is our masterpiece.
 It's totally wonky, but that makes it that much better.
Boyd placed most of the lights and a few other things, and I did the rest. Boyd did what 4 year olds do, asking for one more candy, one more sip of icing, can I eat a corner of the roof, can we go in now, are we finished.
Stuff like that.

Boyd held it in his lap very carefully. I was almost convinced we were going to lose the house a couple of times.

One more, just because it makes me smile.

And,
I have 2 new things in my happy bowl.
These pineapple chips are amazing,
 as are the dark chocolate candy cane truffles.
happy. happy.

 
have a good afternoon.

love,
nicolle

monday {nature}

The weather was extra pretty today, so after a few errands this morning, Boyd and I went over to the Fort Worth Nature Center. He had some energy to burn, and I wanted some fresh air. It's a neat place to go, and it's so pretty. Bless his heart though, Boyd wasn't sure where we were, and he said, I don't think this is a good idea. ha. It all turned out ok.

They have a couple of owls that are outside, in cages. It was hard to photograph them through the wires, but you can see this one sitting up there on the brown box.

Boyd's main goal was to find some big sticks.

I love this view along the trail, you can see the river below, but I always get nervous because it's on the edge of a really steep cliff.

I asked Boyd to hold the map so I could get a picture. The sun was too bright, and it made him sneeze. It made me laugh.

Such a pretty place to go. 

So quiet and peaceful {even with a 4 year old}.
 

Maybe I just don't remember it from year to year, but it seems like I've noticed the colors of the leaves this year, more than ever. I love all of the colors. I love this time of year.

Now, I have to show you one of the things in my happy bowl, that stays in our kitchen. Chile spiced mango. It's so yummy. Sweet, and very spicy. I'm hooked.

Do you have a happy bowl? You should.

God Bless Trader Joe's.

..............

thankful for:

1. the memory in my head of kevin and boyd playing flashlight hide and go seek, last night, outside. 

{although 99% of the time boyd hid in the same spot, in the nativity set}.

2. trader joe's coffee, in a new mug.

3. christmas lights.

4. nature.

5. beautiful, kind, compassionate and encouraging friends and family. my cup runneth over.

..............

hope your monday has been peaceful.

love,

nicolle

ps. If you have a minute, will you read this story, and think of giving just a few dollars, if you are able.  Every single penny helps. This was sent to me by my dear friend Erika. She is close friend's with the man that Brandon now lives with. What a beautiful story. It touches my heart. Thank you for checking it out.